Being Lazy?

Okay, so I’ve been struggling lately with basically, what I think is just burnout.  Burnout on life, work, ministry, the whole nine yards.  I have just felt completely restless—like basically nothing that I do or want to do is ever ‘right’ and I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels, barely ‘getting by’ in what I’m doing.  Heck, maybe it’s a little bit of depression thrown in there, too, I don’t know.  I just have been sort of in a hard place and I haven’t been able to get out of it.  I’ve been extremely lazy (now, of course, in my world, lazy is probably different from other people’s lazy!), but, basically that means, just wanting to sit around, be home, do nothing, or at least do only things that make me happy.

Well, I think God got tired of that for me this morning. 

I got an unexpected package in the mail yesterday from Adore, with the cd series on “Ordinary Worship.”  I’m not sure why it came in the mail, as I have all of the talks, but, maybe I asked for them, I don’t know.  If I did ask, it was a LONG time ago.  Anyway, I brought the cd’s to my car and decided I’d listen to one on the way to work.  (Did I tell you my spiritual and prayer life has been pretty low, as well?  Well, it has.)  I’ve been yearning to sort of wake-up from my ‘slumber’ and the talk that I listened to today, finally did that. 

The talk, by PG, entitled “Seeing the Ordinary” basically just brought me back to what our call is in life…we are called to work beside God everyday, doing his works and showing his love.  Basically, that’s it.  Anything opposite of that, is really living for someone or thing other than Him.  We went all the way back to how God created Adam, and placed him in a garden, to work the fields with Him, beside Him.  I really kept thinking about what I’m doing right now and it’s nothing.  I mean, nothing that is really producing the fruit that it should be.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still doing ministry and working, but, really, am I doing it to the extent or way that I should be?  Heck, no.  Seriously, it’s taken me about 3 months to still have nothing set up or accomplished for our summer schedule.  And, oh yeah, summer is now!  Have I put into work the ability or effort that I should?  No way, as my Inbox full of emails will attest to.  All of these things, that God has put in my path and called me to, I’m really just shutting aside.  I’m ‘getting by’ but really, just living the life I want to live, as opposed to how He wants me to live.  Going through the motions and not fully working beside Him, or doing it the way I want to do it, as opposed to how I know I should do it, again, isn’t right.

I felt like as I listened to that talk, I was finally coming out of a haze.  A haze of just postponing things, of skating by, of just letting things go.  I really finally felt like the cloud (or, was it a veil?!) lifted and I was ready to move forward in my life and the way I was working.  I know God will show my heart freedom when I see the fruit that is produced through my works. 

God has a great sense of humor, let me tell you.  As I walked in, opened my email, and my personal/work Google calendar, I added about 4 meetings and 2 events in under a half hour.  See, I told you, He’s a funny guy.  Nothing like throwing me back in at full force. 

Now, I’m going to schedule a few more meetings.  Seriously.  ;)